Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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