No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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