I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
worst night to have a conscience
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
