I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
