my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
do nipples grow back?
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