i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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