Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
