I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
