So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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