Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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