yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I need to stop coming to work sober
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
