just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
