And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
