i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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