Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
