Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
