So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
