we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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