Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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