Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
