oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
