I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
