can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
