He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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