we have pet lesbian snakes
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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