she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
