I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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