haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
