Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
