Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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