butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
