I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
