It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
