do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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