But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
