I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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