I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
