mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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