Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
