I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
