Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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