Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
