she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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