so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
