it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I puked a lego.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
