so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
