I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
