Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
