We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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