oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
