I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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