My liver just broke up with me...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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