i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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